nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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