One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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