i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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