you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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