He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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