FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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