i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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