first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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