Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
