Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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