Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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