I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
