i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
