she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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