Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
