I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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