I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
