We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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