I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
