I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
