Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
