U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
