i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
