just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
