It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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