I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
