All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
