i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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