In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
