You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
