Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
This house was built for laser tag.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
