my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
