I can text with my tongue
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
