good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
