I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
