I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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