Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
