Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
