I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
