I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
