True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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