if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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