I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
