Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize