As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
