Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize