Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
