yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize