When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
