I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
