I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
did you just send me my own nude
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
