I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
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You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
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So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize