Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
