I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
