Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
