Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
