yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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