I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
