i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
