Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
