I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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