Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
