Plan B is the new Plan A
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"