I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
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Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
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My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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