If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
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okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
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We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.