You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she told me i tasted like america
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.