We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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