i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
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i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
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Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own