true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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