i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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