I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
