At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
