Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
