Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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