Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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