You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
