am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
