Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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