Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
