Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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