I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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