if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
